There are two kinds of people in the world, Notre Dame lovers and Notre Dame haters. And, quite frankly, they're both a pain in the ass. ~Dan Devine, former Notre Dame football coachThe Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. ~Erma BombeckBeer and Rugby are more or less synonymous. ~Chris Laidlaw, 1973Mud in Your Eye: A Worm's Eye View of the Changing World of Rugby, 1973; CDC-->Rugby football is a game I can't claim absolutely to understand in all its niceties, if you know what I mean. I can follow the broad, general principles, of course. I mean to say, I know that the main scheme is to work the ball down the field somehow and deposit it over the line at the other end and that, in order to squalch this programme, each side is allowed to put in a certain amount of assault and battery and do things to its fellowman which, if done elsewhere, would result in fourteen days without the option, coupled with some strong remarks from the Bench. ~P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves, 1930I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to watch, even if the TV is showing replays of what we call a "good hit," which is a tackle that causes at least one major internal organ to actually fly out of a player's body. ~Dave BarryI like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault. ~Jack TatumHe was the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. ~Steve Owen, about Bronko NagurskiTrying to maintain order during a legalized gang brawl involving 80 toughs with a little whistle, a hanky and a ton of prayer. ~Anonymous referee, explaining his jobThere are several differences between a football game and a revolution. For one thing, a football game usually lasts longer and the participants wear uniforms. Also, there are usually more casualties in a football game. The object of the game is to move a ball past the other team's goal line. This counts as six points. No points are given for lacerations, contusions, or abrasions, but then no points are deducted, either. Kicking is very important in football. In fact, some of the more enthusiastic players even kick the ball, occasionally. ~Alfred HitchcockMen are clinging to football on a level we aren't even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It's our Alamo. ~Tony KornheiserSpeed is not your fastest, but your slowest man. No back can run faster than his interference. ~Jock SutherlandWhen it comes to football, God is prejudiced - toward big, fast kids. ~Chuck MillsAustralian Rules football might best be described as a game devised for padded cells, played in the open air. ~Jim MurrayFootball players, like prostitutes, are in the business of ruining their bodies for the pleasure of strangers. ~Merle KesslerSpeed, strength, and the inability to register pain immediately. ~Reggie Williams, when asked his greatest strengths as a football playerRugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen. Soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts. Football is a beastly game played by beasts. ~Henry Blaha, 1972What about football? Is it a sport or a concussion? ~Jim Murray, Los Angeles TimesThe tactical difference between Association Football and Rugby with its varieties seems to be that in the former the ball is the missile, in the latter men are the missiles. ~Alfred E. Crawley, The Book of the Ball, 1913